Best of 2008

For the last post of the year I'm highlighting some of my favorites of 2008. All of these drawings or paintings are ones where something just "happened", and I don't know how or why. And they were all attempts at trying new media, or at least a familiar media on a new surface. Not knowing how or why a drawing just falls out of my hand can be frustrating, because I want to capture that feeling again and again. But when the magic does happen it feels like all the past effort was worth it.

Change

The hot seller in the store this holiday season was the Obama pez dispenser. It's made by an artist in Albuquerque named Steve White. There are actually two versions. The most popular one has stars and OBAMA written on the front in red, white, and blue, but I prefer this more subtle version. I like the way his sleeves are rolled up as if he's ready to go to work.

This piece inspired me to think about something I'd like to change in this new year. I'd like to stop seeing things in terms of age. Last summer I ran into an acquaintance when I was buying myself a spearmint plant on my 40th birthday. He exclaimed that I looked great, and I said something like "I may look great, but I feel creaky". He told me never to say that again. As it turned out I thought he was about fifty, but he had just turned seventy. I was amazed. He said that twenty years ago he made the decision to never again see things in terms of age. The next day, I heard an interview with Tao Porchon, a 90 year old yoga teacher who teaches every day of the week, and she too said that she never, ever, thought of things in terms of age.

So now, instead of saying things like, "Man, I'm tired, I guess that's what happens when you're 40", I'll just say "Man, I'm tired". Or "Wow, I'm realizing I can't do it all", instead of "Wow, I'm realizing I can't do it all. Well, I am 40". I also hate the "He looks great for his age" line. If someone looks great, don't they just look great? I hadn't realized how often I was adding the little age tag to my issues.

The Obama pez dispenser is the final piece in the "Confection, and a contemplation" series, because, well, it's time for a change.

Absinthe

Nine out of ten customers that walk in the store ask where the smell of licorice is coming from. It's actually these little boxes of absinthe pastilles from Italy, they really pack a punch. There's a lot of scrolling Italian writing on the front, but I think the eyes alone say all there is to know.

I love the mix of charcoal pencil and gouache on this particular cream colored watercolor paper. It was an accidental discovery on the day I just grabbed what was in sight to paint "Messy desk". Since I've been drawing on location I decided to stick to the same media for simplicity, and it's become soothing. I've also been loving these quieter post holiday days. When I was young my mother used to say her favorite month was January, and I just didn't get it. "January? But there's nothing going on in January." Exactly.

Peppermint patty

Dark chocolate with a peppermint center, iced in the image of a snowflake. I think I'm becoming the J. Peterman of the candy store.

As I drew today I heard this brain chatter, "Well, what are we going to talk about today? This series is called "Confection, and a contemplation", have you thought of anything? I can't think of anything! Think of something! Something about peppermint, something meaningful or funny. Come on, think, think! I need a contemplation NOW! Oh no, my mind is a blank, what am I going to do?"  Sometimes it's hard to get out of your own way.

Nougat

French nougat with toasted almonds, pistachios, and lavender honey.

As I drew this nougat I decided that the happiest I've ever been is a toss up between my time in Paris and my time on the beach in Thailand. Both had to do with being in flow, but for very different reasons. Paris was external, playful and magical, beautiful objects and sensory delights at every turn. I loved walking, walking, walking, exploring every detail of the city that shared my very aesthetic. But Thailand was internal, all desire for anything "more" erased by turquoise blue seas and silky white sand. Should I go get a banana shake now, or later? Later. And both felt right.

Truffle

Dark chocolate truffle with lemon verbena. A truffle is simply a piece of chocolate with a soft center, but most customers think a truffle is supposed to look round. Another illusion broken.

My friend Dianne sent me this incredible video about Jill Bolte Taylor who brilliantly explains the roles of the left and right brain after experiencing it firsthand when she had a stroke. What she says reminds me of the flow that I feel when I'm really into a drawing. In that flow it's as if there's no separation between myself and the object. And after I draw something I feel a connection with that object that I hadn't before. According to the right brain's perspective, it's because we are each other. Sounds crazy? Watch this video and it will make sense. It's 19 minutes long but well worth the time. Just grab a cup of tea and a truffle and enjoy!

Sugared pistachios

Like jordan almonds, only pistachios.

I love drawings that are just a little bit messy, where you can see the under painting or marks that aren't fully erased. I think it's more engaging to the viewer and makes them feel like they're in on some kind of secret. Watching the artist try to break through the illusion of what is not real to create something that looks real.

Breaking through illusion is also at the heart of most spiritual paths. The illusion that we are all separate, forgetting that we are simply a drop from the same infinite ocean. I like the story that tells how God(dess) was lonely and so created humans -the illusion of separation-in order to experience love. And it is through love that we find our way back home. Merry Christmas!

Silver almonds

You can't see the silver almonds in this picture because they're tucked inside the belly of this fabric flying Chinese doll.

It's that time of year when a very special birthday arrives. The birthday of one of the most generous, wise, magical, and loving beings the Universe has ever known. Well yes, Him too, of course, but right now I'm talking about my mother. Happy birthday Mom!

I've posted two photos of the same image taken at the same time just to show the difference that light can make. The first was taken outside, the second inside.

Chocolate almonds

Dark chocolate covered almonds, dusted with cocoa. 

I've really been struggling with light, or lack thereof, when I do my daily drawing. It's amazing how much light affects a painting. Light is a painting. It's the difference in values that create a form. When I draw at night I need light on both the object and the paper, but using two lights creates scattered shadows. Daylight is perfect but it changes so quickly, and I don't often get to draw midday when the sun is fixed high in the sky.

I had to photograph this drawing outside while it was snowing this morning because it was the best lighting I could find, but the quality pales in comparison to the scanned images. The frustration and mystery of light. When I get back to Albuquerque I'll scan these images and post them again.

Salted toffee

Dark chocolate covered toffee with a touch of sea salt.

I've noticed that when light falls on something brown, it creates a bright blue high light. I discovered that when I painted the couch with Louie napping, and now while painting chocolate. I have a little left-right brain battle when I draw. The right side sees it clearly, while the left insists that chocolate can not be blue, it must be brown. The problem is that the left brain's way of doing it makes for a boring drawing, so the right brain wins. I've also noticed that when I'm tired the left brain takes over the drawing, putting down on the paper what it thinks something should look like, not taking the time to observe what really is.

Drawing depends on a different type of seeing than the kind used for daily life. It involves seeing through an illusion into what is real. I like taking this idea off the paper and into the world, noting how many other little truths might be available when my mind gets stuck in its ways.

Marron glacé

Marron glacé are glazed candied chestnuts from France and they are delicious. I commented to Hayward yesterday that the French and the Japanese seem quite tuned into the magnificence of the chestnut, while the US remains oblivious. But he reminded me of the smell of roasted chestnuts wafting through the streets of New York City.

It's funny he should mention New York because I've been missing it so much lately, and the whole East Coast in general. I live in one of the very best places to celebrate Christmas in the world. And I love it here, and if I were there I know I'd be longing for here. But I still can't stop longing for there. What is it about the holidays that makes everything feel so acute, despite your resolve to just enjoy things as they are? How does a sugar cookie or string of lights move you so quickly between sheer delight and a sudden strange sadness? What is with that FUN!/haunt holiday roller coaster?

Mendiant

The mendiant is dark chocolate with caramelized almond, hazelnut, pistachio, and candied orange peel. It begins a new short series called "Confection, and a contemplation".

I'm enjoying working at the store again, and the break from academia, but integrating daily drawing with a full time work schedule has been hard. By the time I get home it's too dark and I'm too exhausted to conjure up the sensitivity needed for a good drawing. In the morning I have that frenzied must-get-to-work energy which makes it hard to get into a creative flow. My school schedule allowed an hour in the afternoon where drawing could fit snuggly in.

These findings have set the wheels of fear in motion. How will drawing ever survive when I'm a full time occupational therapist? This week's fantasy is to be an OT from 8-noon, and an artist from 1-6. Is that possible? How do artists do it anyway? The ones who don't give up but still get to eat, I mean.

Surprise ball

Ah, the warm embrace of my scanner. This is one of many wonderful surprise balls we sell at the store. They're made by an artist named Gina, who collects vintage toys and wraps them in endless streams of crepe paper. Each surprise ball is one of a kind. I loved this angel with her big tinsel halo and pipe cleaner arms.

Good will to all

This is a Christmas card I designed for a contest when I was in high school. I won second place and had my photo on the the front page of the Burlington Free Press. I always loved the city even though I'd really never been to it. And I loved the idea of people from all backgrounds getting along, even though ethnic diversity wasn't something I really experienced growing up either. I remember that Grandmaster Flash broke out at this time and I listened to the cassette tape over and over again, never having heard anything like it before. 

I only have a tiny copy of this drawing on my computer. Tomorrow I can drive back home and use my scanner for what I've drawn this week, and bring that cord back too.

Christmas list

On Friday I'll be able to drive back to Albuquerque to get that cord for the digital camera. Louie has spent hours trying to figure out why the scanner doesn't work. For now, another oldie. My step mom Stephanie sent this Christmas list. I was a little older when I did this one. High school was hard, and I notice that I started using less color. 

I like how I must have received the stereo, because in this one I'm hoping for record cleaner and albums. And I'm in a phase between hippy and new wave as evidenced in the glass pyramid prism and indian rug vs. electric earrings and suede shoes.

Presents to kids

I did draw this morning, but without that stupid cord I can't post it. This old drawing is the best though. It's from a little book I wrote about my mom, who is a teacher and the keeper of all these treasures. It's the only page I have though. I need to get these technical problems sorted out soon, I'm starting to run out of material!

Candy store

Today was my first day working holiday retail this season and I'm EXHAUSTED! We're having a big snowstorm right now, and tonight is the first night I've had to admit defeat on daily drawing. I brought something home from the store, but it's late and I couldn't get good lighting to draw it. I'm on location right now and forgot some supplies, including the cord for the digital camera. Luckily I had this gem on file. I hope tomorrow morning brings new energy and insight on how to organize all this despite a different schedule and missing parts.

Want list, 2008

I woke up this morning to snow, and a conversation with my thirteen year old self that went something like this:

13: So, when are we going to make this year's Want List?

40: What?! I haven't done one of those in twenty five years! I understand the importance of writing down goals, but a WANT list? With little colored pictures? In this economy, with all the suffering? Goodness, no.

13: Man, you're lame.

40. Hey! I am not! I'll show you.

So here it is, Want List 2008. I left off such things as "More time" and "World peace", though I would love to have those things too.

Want list

I'm heading out to do a bit of Christmas shopping today, and thought it would be the perfect time to post an old "Want list" from junior high. My friends Sarah and Lauren and I, used to love to get together and draw our lists, long after the age where doing such things was common.

I'm happy to say I've received some of the most important things on this list, like getting out of high school, a stereo, CB coat, seeing the world, and long, bouncy blond hair (I was trying to grow out my Lady Di hairdo at the time). Never did get those knickers though. But I'm okay with that. Really.

Remember that you can click on the image to make it large enough to read.

Happy dance

I just finished my final final. This semester is DONE! Happy dance!

New handbag

7) I'm not quite sure what "grown-up" is supposed to feel like, or when it's supposed to happen. I pay bills and taxes, show up to work on time, and even save for retirement. Is that it? It's just that I always thought it had something to do with having everything figured out. I remember when I was young, there was so much about grown ups that I didn't understand. And now that I am one, I still don't. Like, why do we have to sit so much?

When I found the golden egg thirty seven years ago, my mother showed me how to open it (turned out it was a Hane's panty hose egg). Inside was a five dollar bill and a Hershey's kiss. But what I remember was that they all had equal value. I simply held three shapes in my hand. And the shape I loved most was the panty hose egg, the first thing I would toss if I found myself holding the same three shapes today.

When I see a model on TV, my first thought is not that she's twenty years younger than me, but that she's twenty years older. Which leads to my new handbag. With the grown-up-ladies-handbag-look not feeling quite right, I found it to be the perfect compromise. I think it's the one a fairy would've picked if she had to be human.

Well, there you have it. Seven interesting things about me as told through objects around the house. I'll send off with the work of Maxwell Loren Holyoke-Hirsch. I just love his illustrations and woodcuts of vases. And I'll guess that he too struggles a bit with juggling worlds.

The king's sarcophagus

6) Four weeks after I nearly died in a fire, I found myself lying in the king's sarcophagus in the Great Pyramid of Egypt. This is not a drawing of the king's sarcophagus, it's a clay pot that I bought for thirty cents at a market in Luxor. My friend Hassan's mother treated it for me by rubbing the inside with honey, baking it, then scouring the charred honey off. Egyptian teflon! But that was on my second trip to Egypt.

I took the first trip because I decided that after almost dying, I was going to truly live. Myself and fifteen other goddesses-in-training cruised along the Nile, performing rituals and exploring temples along the way. The Nile was considered to be the spine, with temples built at the corresponding chakras. At Abydos, the temple of death and rebirth, I gasped when I saw my story on the wall. Osiris being brought back to life, hovering above him, the phoenix. Our journey ended in Cairo where our guide, who was friends with the guards, got us into the Great Pyramid after tourist hours. It was dark and everyone toned (similar to chanting) as we each took a turn lying inside, surrounded by the power of the stone. My turn, and all I could think was, "I am lying here in the king's sarcophagus in the Great Pyramid of Egypt. Anything is possible".

In honor of incredible journeys to far away lands, I introduce to you my amazingly talented friend Juliana Coles.

Couch, with Louie napping

5) I don't own a TV, or even a couch. I don't want a TV, but I wouldn't mind having a couch. It's just that whenever I save up to get one I think, "Why use this money to sit on, when I could buy a ticket to somewhere?" Which leads to the fifth interesting thing about me. I absolutely love to travel.

Whether Paris, France or Amarillo, Texas (would vastly prefer Paris), I love the light, rhythm, color, culinary delights, body language, accents and architecture, of being someplace else. Katherine Tyrrell does too, and has some beautiful sketchbooks to prove it. 

Shiny mini

4) The very first celebrity I ever sighted was Madonna. I was eighteen years old and it happened during the freshman day trip to Manhattan. I was with my best friends Jen and Ilira, in a tiny jewelry shop in Greenwich Village that specialized in rings set with eyeballs. After Jen said "Excuse me" to pass the woman in front of her, she whispered "Um, I think that was Madonna" in my ear. I exited the store, with rolled eyes and a "Yeah, right", to see a stretch limo and a circle of body guards. We raced back inside with excited giggles, it WAS her. With short blond hair and a biker cap (her "Papa don't preach" phase), buying a ring set with an eyeball.

This was a very big deal to a girl whose teenage years were spent accessorizing her flannel shirt with fishnets and pearls. And it may help to answer a question. I haven't worn this black patent leather mini skirt in twenty years. Why can I not get rid of it?

In honor of best friends from college, I introduce to you Ilira and Jason's company, Rag and Bone. Jason has a great blog that features their beautiful hand bound books, family, and other fabulous artists. When Ilira and I were seniors, her mother took a trip to see her best friend from college. She said she hadn't seen her in fifteen years. We didn't understand how that could possibly be possible, and knew that would never happen to us. Now, despite our good intentions, its been years since I last saw Ilira. Which leads to another question. Reflecting on long distance moves and very busy lives, I can see how it happens. But how does it happen?

Fairy circle

3) One rainy afternoon when I was about seven, my mother came home from her jog and told me she saw a fairy circle growing in the field next to our house. A fairy circle is when mushrooms grow naturally into a ring. I put on my yellow rain coat and green rubber boots, and set forth. When I found the perfect circle of twelve or so mushrooms, I got lost in thought about which fairy would sit where, what they would talk about, and where they might be hiding during the rain.

I was jolted from my misty daydream by a beat up car that swerved on the road and slammed to a stop to toss a Budweiser can out the window before it sped away. As the can tumbled just a few yards from the fairy circle I turned and ran as fast as I could back to the house. In the slow motion silent way that fear works, I heard only the slosh of my rubber boots pounding on the wet pavement. And as I ran I felt this knowing. A knowing that life was going to be like this, an interplay between fairy circles and tossed beer cans, and the challenge would be staying on the center path and remembering your way home.

Today's tag goes to the Glass Doorknob. I discovered this site when it was featured on "Blogs of Note". The author recently moved to Vermont and I think she would delight in the discovery of a fairy circle.

Golden Egg

2) When I was 2 or 3 years old, I found the golden egg at the Easter egg hunt at church. I remember the jiggly energy of running from egg to egg, pink, blue, and green, nestled in the dry grass. But when I saw the golden egg everything went still. It was different than all the others, bigger, and made of pure gold. I squatted down and it took both hands to lift it. As I raised it up, the stillness turned to chaos and shouts of "Annie found the golden egg!!" I felt a squeeze around my waist as I floated high up into the sky and onto my father's shoulders. Still holding the egg, I looked down at the fine brown hair on the top of his head. Feeling the lumbering left-right sway of his shoulders as he walked us back to the church, I distinctly remember thinking, without the language to express it, "This is going to be an interesting life".

In honor of magical things in Vermont fields, today's tag goes to the Orb Weaver Farm. Just a few miles from where I grew up, and famous for golden cheese rather than eggs.

Tag

I've been tagged by Nathalie Davis, who I met in Carol's painting class. This means I have to write seven interesting things about myself, and tag seven other bloggers. Unfortunately, while I know there are tons of other daily painting blogs out there, I haven't had a spare moment to look at them. So, that part of the assignment will have to take a different twist.

1) The first interesting thing to come to mind is the fact that there's a part of me that can't draw, and is shocked by the part of me that can. "Can't draw" (CD) is even miffed by the desires of "Draw" (D) to do so. Part of the problem is that CD is the one who is forced to show up first, with his stiff and awkward lines. D sweeps in later, when she wants to, dancing onto center stage, shoving CD to the sidelines. But he is always terrified that she won't show.

In the many years where I didn't draw at all, I would look at illustrations, or paintings in museums and feel something, but that something felt inaccessible, until the conversation finally went like this:
D: You know, I feel like I could draw that way. I know I don't know how, but I feel it inside.
CD: Yeah right, if you could, you would've by now. Why don't you just pipe down and let me pay these bills! Dreamer.
D: I'll show you.

The daily practice of this blog has helped D prove that she could, and has helped CD trust that she will actually show up. And because CD starts every day as promised, with his stiff, awkward line, D shows up earlier and more reliably to whisk him through the dance.

In honor of the two me's, today's tag goes to Ann Wood. I discovered her blog a long time ago when I googled my name. I love her work, and always felt good that there was a version of me out there making wonderful things.

Messy desk

I was grumbling about needing to clear off my desk to do today's drawing until my inner muse said, "Well, why don't you just draw your messy desk?" Right now I do my school work on one side and draw on the other. My Mom bought me a fabulous drawing desk for my birthday but since I have to move any day (or year?) from now it's still unassembled and in its box. Louie keeps asking if I want him to move the wooden yogini, but there's another bird on it that I keep meaning to draw. Pillow on the chair, wires everywhere, twisting one direction, then another -this set up is not occupational therapy approved!! I have to say, the drawing doesn't look nearly as chaotic as the desk feels. Once again, art makes things better.

Another noodle bowl

Yesterday's drawing inspired me to capture my other noodle bowl.

Noodle bowl

I have two weeks left of this semester, which brings out a personal quirk. Whenever I'm really close to the time something ends, I'm already done in my mind. I think, with less than two weeks to go, why don't we just sum the whole thing up today and start our holiday break now?

When I lived in Japan, I spent Mondays sitting at my desk at the Board of Education. Twenty-five Japanese men in suits, and me. The highlight was lunchtime (when is it not?). We ordered our bowls of noodles and rice just before noon, and a tiny hunchbacked old lady delivered them in wooden baskets. Beautiful blue and white ceramic bowls stacked between wooden slats. At 11:57, with a steaming bowl of noodles on my desk, I reached for my chopsticks and began to dig in. But I noticed that no one else touched their food, and just went on with their paperwork. When the minute hand clicked to precisely 12:00, everyone reached for their bowls and began eating at once.

Wonderful day

Susie and her Mom found everything they were looking for, as well as many things they hadn't even thought to think of. They are thrilled to be living in the 70's when customer service still mattered, and they leave Gimball's South with a skip in their step. Outside, they discover that it's raining. Living in New Mexico, they are so delighted to see rain that they whisk around the parking lot again and again before heading to the car. Arriving at home, they discover that their realtor sold their house while they were out, spurring a home buying frenzy throughout the neighborhood and across the land. What a wonderful day!

And that's what I love about art. Whether you're 10 or 40, you can create the world the way you want it.