Gabrielle Roth

She was on my mind so much at Esalen, though I hadn't taken a class with her for years. I remembered the workshop she held at the Cathedral of St. John the Divine, how amazing it was to dance in the glow of stained glass on dark wood floors, and how Marissa Tomei was in that class. 

On my third morning at Esalen I walked past the office and saw a photo of Gabrielle Roth in the window where there hadn't been one the day before. It said "In Loving Memory," and that she had passed away on October 22nd, just the night before. 

Last summer, when I went to Wanderlust in Vermont, her class was the first I signed up for. I was so disappointed when it was canceled due to illness. I thought it must be the flu or something but it was at Esalen that I learned she had cancer. 

I walked, stunned, to the edge of the sea. The sun shimmered on the waves and I felt her fully. I heard things she said like "It takes discipline to be a free spirit" and "If you want to be fascinating, be fascinated." I felt other things well up from deep inside like "Never give up" and "This is your lifetime." And I thought about how hard it is to be brave, but how it is worth it, probably.